We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
