is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
