I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
