Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
