Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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