just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
