The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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