"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
