dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
