Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
