Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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