I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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