Well douche your snatch and let's go!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
