eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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