just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
we're making bets on your personal life
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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