Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize
