She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
it glows. i had to have it.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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