vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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