Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
it glows. i had to have it.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
