God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
