she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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