so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
