I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
