I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
