just come out here and I will go home with you...
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
