he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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