I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
