So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
