wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
