i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
