you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
