are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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