Tell her she can't have a vagina
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
