I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
