My brain says no but my pants say off.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
