what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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