I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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