i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
