Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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