I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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