ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My life is pants optional.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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