So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
