you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
