Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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