His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
