So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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