new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
