I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
