btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
