In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
