I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
