This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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