this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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