Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I need to align my fucking chakras
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
