She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
