Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
